But...what if

It has been a long and exciting semester here at Western, but I must admit I’m happy it’s over. I am looking forward to Christmas break, seeing my family and just getting away for a little while. I’ll spend the majority of my time in Virginia working with my aunt and getting opportunities to train clients with working out and making nutritional plans for them. Honestly, I am a little nervous but I cannot wait to be pushed to my limits and push people to their limits, especially if the end result is success. I bought a one-way ticket to VA and from there, after Christmas day, I am a free soul to soar wherever I please. Going off and having adventures is something I do best and I must say it’s easier to go wherever I please if I had a car, but I’ll find a way to make it back by the 10^th and during each adventure I’ll figure it out.

 I was talking to an older woman today and she told me that she was going to give me advice that would be helpful for the rest of my life. As I sat there and talked with her, what she told me is really sticking in my mind. She said “There are two words in the English language that we use a whole lot. The first word is: what. What are you up to? What are you wearing? What this or what that? She continued and said the second word is: if. If I do that will this happen. If I give you this can I have that and so on…” She kept talking and said, “Now the words themselves are not dangerous, but when you put them together you get “what if.” What if I did this then what would have happened?” The woman said “You will constantly doubt yourself in everything you do and you will always be wondering “What if” in every situation.” As I sat there I began to think that there was no good news from this talk and that I would just wonder my whole life “What if this, or what if that.” Then out of nowhere she came back and said… “Now this is what you have to do: You need to give everything you have in every situation and put all of yourself in everything. When you meet that someone, go slow and show them how much you care, spend extra time with them, care for them, and on and on, that way you will never wonder “What if I treated them better?”  Because you have already treated them the best you can. She gave me a few other examples and then looked up and said “That’s all I have for you” and walked away.

Now I am sitting in my room and I admit I have my “what if” questions running through my head and I think I always will, but now I feel like I can take that advice and actually use it. In all honesty, I don’t put in 100% of my effort in every friendship I possess, I don’t give everything my full attention and I don’t love people as much as I should. I find myself second guessing myself in a lot of different things and even before I make a decision I find myself asking “what if.” I don’t want to be the girl who constantly questions herself. I can’t buy confidence and assurance, but I can give everything I have in everything and if things don’t work out, then at least I’ll know for sure that it really wasn’t “meant to be.” Although, the “what if” questions will never just disappear, I hopefully will be able to slim them down by giving each situation everything I have, giving it my all.