Fighting to stay in control

The truth is there is so much the needs to be said, but the words seem to disappear before they escape my lips. It’s like I want to do all the things I can’t do and say all the things I can’t say to have you turn the other way. I guess the hardest part of this is remembering that I am not the one who saves. The feeling I get when I see you from across the street eats at me because I know who you used to be. You used to be the girl who didn’t have a worry in the world, who once smiled and laughed it all off, but now your living a lie and pretending everything’s fine when deep down I know your broken inside. You used light up a room with just a simple smile and the presence of yourself stood out of a crowd for over a million miles. You had that attraction that was hard to find, pretty on both the outside and inside, you were like a magnet to people that couldn’t hide. Your heart was once filled with so much love that it overflowed and traces could be found wherever you walked. Out of everyone I knew, I thought you were the strongest of them all, I thought you’d never give in and take the fall. But one day, everything changed when you decided to turn the other way. You said you were sick of this life and the entire unknown and all you wanted was control. It happened so fast, it was like a blink of an eye, you went off to live your own life. As I watched you in attempt to take control, you ran full force towards an unknown world; it was there I watched you spin out of control. I know it must hurt to see each day pass by and see that not a thing has changed in your life. To walk on the feet that slip so easily beneath you must make it hard to balance. It hurts to watch you slip below the line, and hide in the shadows of your own shame and lies. To see that the faith you once had disappeared and now all you’re doing is playing a game of catch and release. As you walk by with your head down low, the light that once radiated off you is now a no-show. There is no trace of love from this path you’re walking and it kills me inside to know you are turning your head and resisting it the way you are. You tell me it’s gone and it won’t come back, but I believe He is just giving you a little slack. The freedom to swim around and do your own thing, but trust me when I say you will sink. And when you start to sink He will reel you back in and hopefully this game will be over so you don’t have to play again. It must hurt not being able to breathe, to drift away slowly and swimming in no direction at all must be so confusing. You must be getting tired of trying to catch your breath, trying to stay above the water’s surface in attempt to pretend you’re alright. Trust me when I say you will sink and when you do He will cast out a line to you and reel you back in. Hopefully this game will be over so you don’t have to play again.