We missed the turn a mile back

I reminisce on how our relationship used to be. How your simple smile could change my sight of things and how you knew me better than I even knew myself. For every time I would run away you would walk a while and then wait because you knew I would soon return with the pity of a broken heart. The openness we shared, or at least the openness I shared, how easy it seemed to talk to you. I guess my question is where did it all go? I’ve seem to lost place of you. I hear your name, every once in a while, and I even go through old pictures, but the feeling of once security seemed to have slip through the thin lines and hid behind the overflow of our transgressions. I have lost the desire of challenge and opened my hands to the convenience of simplicity and easiness in my life. Is that where I went wrong? Have I simply taken the easy way out instead of confronting the differences in our once secured friendship? The other day I sat around and thought about you. I thought about you all day because I miss having you around. I miss my friend. I like to blame myself for falling short of your expectations, but the guilt seems fair enough. Sometimes I catch myself wanting to pray for you, but when I do I just feel empty words flowing off my lips; they don’t really mean anything to me anymore. They really have no meaning at all, but it makes me feel better about what happened between us. I remember the first time we met. I was intrigued by you in every way possible, but I think everyone was as well. I remember thinking “I could never be friends with someone like that” but over time I realized that we fit perfectly with who we are. Looking back and remembering all the joyful and interesting times makes me miss you more, but as I write these words, I question why I feel the way I do. I guess I question myself because I feel as though I am the only one wanting to stay connected and patch up this somewhat rough relationship. As I patch and repair, I feel as though you sit back and continue to rip new holes, so why do I even try when repairing is useless.  My hands are growing weak from holding on, so I am finally letting go... Letting go of you and letting go of how our relationship used to be. This is not a final goodbye because I don’t believe in final, but this is an end to all the patch work. I encourage you to keep ripping new holes so that when you look back you realize they are not being patched together anymore, and then maybe you will feel the same way I do and remember all the good times instead of dwelling on these transgressions.